how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
