i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
