Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
