it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
