Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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