Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
