just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
