Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
