you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
