I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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