i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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