i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
