I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
