Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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