four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Randomize
