I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
