You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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