i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize