Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
