so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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