Girls should come with a carfax report
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
