Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
