Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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