I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
