its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
