Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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