chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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