I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
