Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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