Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
