Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
