So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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