Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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