I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
