my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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