my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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