my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
