um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
