hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
