just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
