paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
