My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
