do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
