I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
