I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
