How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im six kinds of drunk right now
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
