i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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