his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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