I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
