Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
