billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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