i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
