he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just want nice things and good sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
