I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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