I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How external is "for external use only"?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
