I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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