Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
