Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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