BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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