I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize