someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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