it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
