my mouth tastes like poor choices
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
