Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
