The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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