forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize