I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
