i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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