I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
