I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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