mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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