In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
