Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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