I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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