every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
