Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
