I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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