1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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