If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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