You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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