I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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