so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
