My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
