I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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