Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
