shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
my liver is dry heaving
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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