Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize