Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
