I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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