I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
