lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
