i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
