textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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