If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
