I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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