so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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