Tell her she can't have a vagina
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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