No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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